I have read several books on Elder Care and have already experienced quite a bit first hand, so when I came upon this book - Eldercare 911, I figured it would have information that I already knew. Still I started to look through and then started reading. It is very thorough and well written. In fact, I wish I had read it before I’d gone through all that I had.

At times, it seemed as though the authors were relaying my exact thoughts. There was one story, under the heading of “When Not to Intervene” about a woman, thinking she was being extremely helpful, went to her parents home while they were visiting a relative. She proceeded to clean and organize everything, and threw out old, no longer used items.

It seems obvious when reading the story that the parents would probably be upset, which they indeed were, since she had assumed things should be “her” way, albeit more orderly. But her parents liked things the way they had it and resented the interference.

The reason I found this story so striking, is that many times I had gone to my parents house and seeing them struggle with something, I would take it upon my myself to make changes, perhaps moving furniture, removing items I thought were in the way, replacing some items with something I thought was more “user friendly.” And more often than not, they didn’t like what I’d done and sometimes even got annoyed that I’d done it. So the lesson was - don’t assume you need to intervene. Your way may not be what they want- or need.

The book is laid out well laid out. It clearly and thoroughly covers all the topics one could encounter with elderly parents. There was even a chapter called “Dating, Sex and Remarriage.” This was one area I had not seen covered in other books on the subject of elderly care.

The authors used many stories and comments from various people which makes the book more “readable,” while still providing an enormous amount of information.

Like I said, I wish I’d read this book BEFORE I went through the situation of being a caregiver. So much of the information would have saved me time, effort and grief.

The way I want to remember Mom

When Mom died in August I felt numb.
It had been a long journey - years of going to doctors - specialists - each attending to a different body part. But the body kept deteriorating.

Then I sat day after day at the hospital - then at the nursing home and then when she came home for the final days.

I was there when she died, after days of not eating and slipping into a coma. I wasn’t sad when she died, because it ended the suffering her life had become.

I couldn’t feel anything - I went through the funeral process in this numbness. But I couldn’t write about it - because I’d lost feeling…

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Today, as I was looking for a recipe, I picked up one of Mom’s books of recipe collections. [She loved collecting recipes - from friends, from magazines, newspapers - and organizing them into books by category. She liked to cook and entertain, too - but mostly she just liked to collect the recipes] She would write notes next to the ones she’d made or wanted to make.

Mom had a pretty handwriting. Surprising since her hands were gnarled from the crippling arthritis she’d had for many years.

As I noticed her handwritten note on the page, it suddenly hit me - she’s gone and she won’t be making that recipe ever again. And I cried……

There is one skill in the Medical World that is not often mentioned. I would like to be the first to express my appreciation for skilled PHLEBOTOMISTS –[the technicians who draw blood for testing.]

I went for a blood test a few days ago and in a matter of seconds, it was completed. I barely felt a pinch. I complimented the man for his ability to make – what sometimes can be excruciating- almost pleasant.
Of course, he had a casual conversational way of diverting my attention, but his skill was undeniable.

I’d witnessed – time after time – my Mom having blood tests. There were some technicians that brutally tortured her - poking and jabbing repeatedly, trying to suck some blood into their vials for testing. Yet there were other technicians who would carefully examine her arm and in one quick prick successfully manage to do the same task relatively painlessly.

I, too, have experienced both the good and the bad over the years.

There should be a WARNING LABEL on some of these technicians, cautioning the patient to Beware! Maybe a rating system… One star = really BAD, Two stars = Not Too Bad, and so on. Then, depending on your pain tolerance, you could choose which technician to perform the test.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to know ahead of time and even further, you don’t have a choice when tests are done in a doctor’s office or the hospital. You are at the mercy of the person at the other end of the needle.

OUCH!!